It's horrendous. being in twilight zone again.
here's the skit of my conversation with office driver when i went to lunch meeting with colleague.

driver: mbak, kemaren lebih gila lagi macetnya, banjir..
me: oh yeah? disini juga macet ya pak
driver: ya, tapi gak segila kemaren
me: oh gitu
driver: untung kemaren gak meeting ya mbak, si [insert name here] aja naek ojek kemaren
me: *while staring outside the window* oya? emang macet banget ya?
driver:$#@!%?!

see how fucking fucked up i am today? i cant fucking concentrate. went to lokananta with friend, talked bout lotsa things, but i kept being haunted by my fear of stuffs. i seriously dont want to be in some kind of twilight zone again, no,no..but its just..i dont know, its strange. very strange.

maybe this is my cue. to move to another place, to find a peace of mind once and for all.

i sometimes think is it because my experiences in Aceh that got me like this?i dont feel like working, its like i left some of my works there and i feel like i have to still doing it, while i know my back up team is already there to do the works. its just strange, i dont think things in here is that matter nomore, seeing how things are in Aceh, and how messy it is and how i should really go back there and really do something about it.

also, because there are other things. which complicated the other things. me and my stupid moves which lead to total chaos. i hope i wont get burned this time.

ever feel like you're in that point, where you dont know how to deal with yourself sometimes? when you dont know whether you have to trust yourself or not? that you're doubting your guts and sometimes you just feel like you want to mutilate yourself to pieces for every wrong decisions that you taken? fuck.

anyways, im completely blank after Aceh. there are things that i should do [personal life], but i havent made any of those happened. its just im in this pause mode, and everything is in slow motion.

D....bury the hatchet. just go run and bury the hatchet.