Princess my friend, how have you been?

How is it going with the kingdom of familyhood? is it getting any better? anything new or special that i should know?

observing you--from the distance, makes me wonder. do u think i should envy you instead for the stable life you finally achieved and I so long to have? but anyways.thats not the point of this letter.

It's been quite a long time since we met, isnt it girlfriend?
It's been quite a journey of the 'flip flop duo' who shared the most suffocating experiences in life, shared the same stupidity, foolishness, tears and laughs and glory! [oh we're one of those straight As chicks weren't we? hehe].

girl, ive known you for 10 years now. a decade, eh?. some journey. i know i can just call you and start with 'girl, you know what...' and ull be listening and chuckles, and symphatize, and give me some encouraging lil comments and then yawn [aha! i knew it you sometimes yawned, fuck! hehe] but this time im lost for words. because i dont know what exactly that i feel. dont know exactly what the fuck it is that puzzled me. works related? oh yeah of course. dont let me even start. but then, theres also something serious behind all of that. myself. yes.im fucking doubting myself.

u told me im a good person. a lot of people also been telling me that.
now i wonder, what exactly a good person is?
am i really a good person?
or im just a fucking hypocritical bitch who's been trying to do the right things and keep on plunging myself into some deep shit i have no control of.
what am i gonna be?
am i going to be a dashing successful person with a fly career, have a great family, live an exciting life the world has to offer?
or am i just going to live a boring life: 'standard' job [average, just to make end meets-->is there sucha term? fuck, me dont care] and dull family-life.
or am i going to be a loony old maiden--trapped in this hullaballoo of confusions, fears, doubts, insecurities...never ending self denial, fuck sake, i dont want to be one!

okay, im blabbering. and i bet you're totally lost and think im losing my mind, and that the only thing that keeps me away from throwing myself out of some skyscrapper's window is that i am afraid of what's gonna welcome me in the other life.

im thankful for still being a God-fearing person. Eventhough sometimes the devil in me wants to grab that fucking handgun and shove it to my mouth. blow. burn this useless fellow down the ground.

zero.

i know you wont understand. i dont either.

but thank you. for listening to me all this time.

thank you.


here's something from nirvana, eventhough i know you resent Kurt Cobain.

i love you for what i am not
i do not want what i have got

what is wrong with me
what is what i need
what do i think i think

[radio friendly unit shifter].