Ohhhhhhhhhh gosh. *exhale*

It's been quite a long ass time since I dropped by here. Actually I'm not really in a condition to post anything since today I have..errr.. 2 deadlines to meet--but as usual, my ritual for such deadline is to evade from it for as long as I could [by that, means doing other stuffs, like escaping myself to this blog and write nonsense] until I finally glance at the clock and scream 'SHIIETT', then work like hell until late.

well, im an evening person. works better at night.

also because there's an adrenaline rush upon completing some pretty challenging task within a short period of time. i love it. keeps me creative.

oh bollocks, of course it's all just MY excuse(s) for being so unprofessional.


anyways, id like to dedicate this post for my 'frequent visitors' [should there be any..hehe], who come by here to check whether this lazyass chick has updated her blog or not...^-^

thank you for dropping by my shoutbox and left ur footprints. I really do appreciate it, and with this post, I'd like to inform you my upcoming plan regarding blogging thingy.

I'm thinking of making a new address, be completely anonymous. I'd probably alert some of you since I might need to be linkaged to you guys as well, but I havent really thought of it yet.Maybe I'd still have links in mine or maybe I won't be that much of a 'social blogger' nomore. I mean, it doesnt mean Im becoming an anti social now or whatsoever, its just I really think I need a place to really escape myself from the world.

Some peeps I know in real life already know this blog, and that fact kinda block my writing juices, well, because it's kinda *in a way* refrained me in writing things that's happening to me in a world. Ima be afraid if I'd offend anyone [eventhough I have never mentioned any names in here]--or implicitly saying emotional stuffs that might have been interpreted in a wrong way.

And the result, well, I feel limited. And I hate that, cos my writing ability is beginning to deteriorate. I wanna be able express my opinions, my feelings and everything freely, but then, since I have to think of other perspectives etcetera, i would then begin to filter my thoughts, and it hurts..when in this supposedly 'free medium', u'd still have to filter ur thoughts.

so,this is not a last post, yet..since i still need more time to change blog addy, constructing a new one with a help of my faithful webmaster *winks at someone*

but its an alert, and i dont know, should you guys have creative ideas for my upcoming blog's name...please do come by to my shoutbox and pitch the idea? hehehe.

Alright, its 4.33 PM, its time for me to get hysterical and finally start doing a comprehensive communications proposal (a fuckin big monster document which I dont know when will I able to finish! and my TA is awayyy! arrgh) for this british water company.

adios. and once again...for you guys who are still willing to stop by here...thank you thank you thank you. =)

Princess my friend, how have you been?

How is it going with the kingdom of familyhood? is it getting any better? anything new or special that i should know?

observing you--from the distance, makes me wonder. do u think i should envy you instead for the stable life you finally achieved and I so long to have? but anyways.thats not the point of this letter.

It's been quite a long time since we met, isnt it girlfriend?
It's been quite a journey of the 'flip flop duo' who shared the most suffocating experiences in life, shared the same stupidity, foolishness, tears and laughs and glory! [oh we're one of those straight As chicks weren't we? hehe].

girl, ive known you for 10 years now. a decade, eh?. some journey. i know i can just call you and start with 'girl, you know what...' and ull be listening and chuckles, and symphatize, and give me some encouraging lil comments and then yawn [aha! i knew it you sometimes yawned, fuck! hehe] but this time im lost for words. because i dont know what exactly that i feel. dont know exactly what the fuck it is that puzzled me. works related? oh yeah of course. dont let me even start. but then, theres also something serious behind all of that. myself. yes.im fucking doubting myself.

u told me im a good person. a lot of people also been telling me that.
now i wonder, what exactly a good person is?
am i really a good person?
or im just a fucking hypocritical bitch who's been trying to do the right things and keep on plunging myself into some deep shit i have no control of.
what am i gonna be?
am i going to be a dashing successful person with a fly career, have a great family, live an exciting life the world has to offer?
or am i just going to live a boring life: 'standard' job [average, just to make end meets-->is there sucha term? fuck, me dont care] and dull family-life.
or am i going to be a loony old maiden--trapped in this hullaballoo of confusions, fears, doubts, insecurities...never ending self denial, fuck sake, i dont want to be one!

okay, im blabbering. and i bet you're totally lost and think im losing my mind, and that the only thing that keeps me away from throwing myself out of some skyscrapper's window is that i am afraid of what's gonna welcome me in the other life.

im thankful for still being a God-fearing person. Eventhough sometimes the devil in me wants to grab that fucking handgun and shove it to my mouth. blow. burn this useless fellow down the ground.

zero.

i know you wont understand. i dont either.

but thank you. for listening to me all this time.

thank you.


here's something from nirvana, eventhough i know you resent Kurt Cobain.

i love you for what i am not
i do not want what i have got

what is wrong with me
what is what i need
what do i think i think

[radio friendly unit shifter].